Many people think that self-confidence means being able to rock an outfit or look people in the eye when you talk to them, so basically sometimes we just train ourselves to do this.
We forget that being able to do these things is often a consequence of feeling the opposite of core confidence. Sometimes we feel so insecure about ourselves that we create mechanisms to put some makeup on our insecurity and hide it, so that the people in front of us don't realize who we really are, or what we are truly feeling.
At least this has always been my case. Over the years I have developed a sense of absolute confidence in certain aspects of my life, like my work, not because they always go perfectly, but because I trust that they will. But this confidence comes because I have invested real time to nurture it and maintain it.
On the other hand, when it comes to romantic relationships I tend to feel a bit like a wet towel. I know, I know, I’m being dramatic, but, really, every time there is an opportunity in my life to open up romantically to a person, I go back to this mechanism of projecting this fake confidence so they don't really see me.
Something that I have realized that we are not taught that being vulnerable and honest can be sexy. And it's so important to understand that when we are able to emotionally strip and share our traumas instead of putting up a seemingly fabulous façade - that is when we are our most brave. That is when we show true core confidence.
Core confidence means letting ourselves be seen as a positive presence, an asset in others’ lives.
When a difficult situation or person comes into our lives, this confidence is what allows us to be comfortable enough with ourselves to understand that we are an asset that should be protected, and if another person chooses to separate from us, it’s their loss and not ours. It is also what allows us to be with ourselves, and truly shine when we rock an outfit or look people in the eye, because it’s not a defense, but an invitation when we’re being our genuine selves.